March 2009 - My Skin-n-Gym-Mirror Story
I take a Spin-n-Yoga class at my gym. We do spin for 30 or 40 minutes, then we do yoga or Pilates on Mondays or
"bootcamp" on Wednesdays. Spin is done in one room; for the last part of the class, we move to the aerobics room
which is mirrored on the entire front wall and halfway down the side walls, from the floor to at least 6' high.
In other words, there is no escaping the mirrors no matter where you are in the room. You are treated to multiple
views of yourself from different angles, even when you're standing in the back of the room (which is where I always
am).
I was still pretty new to the whole spinning thing so I wasn't sure what to expect during Spin Bootcamp on
Wednesdays. My very first Wednesday bootcamp, she flogs us on the spin bikes for about 30 minutes, then takes us
down to the aerobics room to continue the flogging. So we start with jumping jacks. Do you have any idea how
many years it has been since I've done jumping jacks? Too hard on the ol' boobage, which is already running to a
size 38 long from my weight loss. Ugh. So I'm watching myself do jumping jacks in the mirror, and everything is
flying upwards and slinging downwards rather violently. Just when I thought my loose skin and I would be cleared for
takeoff, she changed the exercise to running in place.
Okay, I can do that, no problem. I've got some jiggling going on in the buttockular regions, but it is pretty
minimal. Cool! I can actually run in place! Her next command was to continue running in place, but with our knees
bent and our feet shoulder width apart. And doubletime! 'Uh oh,' I thought. 'This can't be good.' And I
was right.
Running in place with your thighs together can minimize skinflabjiggle because the skin is limited in what
direction it can travel due to pressure from the other leg. Running in place with your thighs apart and your knees
bent allows skin and flab free movement in all directions. Doubletiming it adds a whole new dimension of movement.
I was both horrified and fascinated by what I was seeing in the mirror. It was kinda like watching a train wreck
in slow motion. You know what is happening is horrific, yet you can't bring yourself to look away.
Have you ever seen that Discovery Channel show Time Warp?
From my knees to my waist, waves of jiggle were running up my thighs like growing tidal waves that then crashed
violently on the shores of my butt. I looked like my spandex yoga/bike pants were full of jello. Or pudding. Or
worse. The thought ran through my mind, 'Thank God that the people standing in front of me can only see this in
the mirror. They at least have a chance to get out of this class with their vision intact.' Then the instructor
screamed, "KEEP GOING! TURN TO YOUR LEFT! KEEP GOING!!"
I automatically executed a smart turn to the left, but my heart mourned for those innocent people who had been
standing to my right, who up until that moment probably had no idea what horror of flying, flapping loose skin lurked
to their left. The poor things probably had no idea what hit them. I could only hope the end was quick and painless
for them. At least I didn't hear the sound of hysterical laughter. Or gagging.
Then it hit me--she was going to take us through a full turn. Everyone in the class was going to get to see
my loose skin butt jiggle firsthand, not just in the mirror! *gulp*
Sure enough, she took us through a full turn, legs spread, knees bent, doubletiming it the whole way. Remarkably,
I didn't die and melt through the floor from embarrassment, my skinflabjiggle didn't put anyone's eyes out, and we
all survived bootcamp to tell the tale.
Of course, we haven't run in place again since that day, either....
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